Amends and Beginnings
by QuasiOuster
Summary: Dr. Claire Browne's mother ends up at her hospital, and things do not go well. Dr. Neil Melendez tries to mitigate the worst of it.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: It's been a loooong time since I've written anything and it's my first story in this fandom so apologies for the wonkiness (and general lack of medical proficiency). But I was challenged, cajoled, and otherwise harassed to write this, and it was fun even if I'm rusty. Prompt: Claire's mom being terrible to her + Melendez being supportive/general shippiness._

 _Note that there's some short but intense verbal abuse in the first part as Claire's mom isn't great in this story. I'm always open to suggestions, so feel free to offer feedback.  
_

 **Chapter One**

Claire walked through the deserted lobby, regretting the late hour. There'd been more than a few interruptions trying to leave, not all of them bad, though none welcome given her terrible mood. Thankfully, her shift the next day fell on the later side given the scheduled surgeries on the roster. She'd need as much rest as she could get.

Rubbing her neck, she made a mental note to schedule a massage next week. One of the best pieces of advice she learned in med school was to find a regular person and tip them well. She did not want to be overdue with her usual masseuse who'd nag her for months over it. Thinking better of it, she pulled out her phoned and typed "call Lilly" into her morning reminders. Checking her messages one last time, she stowed her phone in her pocket before leaving the building.

She slowed her pace as she situated her coat and scarf, frowning at the storm clouds above. It would probably start raining soon by Shaun's estimate—he'd dutifully summarized The Weather Channel's latest coverage earlier. Hopefully, she'd get home quickly enough to avoid the worst of it. The gloomy night seemed appropriate, though, to match her weariness. The only items on her agenda for the next couple of hours were dinner, a bath, maybe enjoying a glass of wine. It would go a long way toward blocking out the last few days; flush them entirely from her memory.

Just the usual sentiment for any situation involving her mother.

Claire's mom had a tendency to leave an emotional destruction in her wake, this week being no different. Anger and resentment about it never made a difference or helped her feel better, so she refused to waste the energy dwelling on it.

And it certainly wouldn't change the fact that, right now, her mother lay inside this very hospital recovering from a long surgery that had a significant risk of impairment and death.

Not that she expected any adverse complications with Dr. Melendez overseeing her care. He was excellent, the best surgeon she could hope to learn from. Between him and the other surgeons she trained under, Claire considered herself lucky for the experience that would make her a competitive surgeon at any hospital in the country. Closing her eyes for a moment, Claire savored the pride in that, held it dear as a sign that she'd survived the week, this life, and all the cards she'd been dealt, including her mother. She'd learned that taking time to feel good about these sorts of milestones mattered the most.

Yesterday, the morning had started like normal. Yoga then a yogurt and granola breakfast with a side of coffee; reviewing charts before rounds and figuring out who'd be on which rotation for the day. It was Reznick and Shaun's turn in the ER with Lim, so Claire figured she'd use the light surgical schedule to dig into some research for a paper she planned to submit at the end of the month. And Park had been assigned with her, and he was generally good company. There had even been the hope of squeezing in some time at the gym after her shift if the schedule and her patients remained stable.

Except a couple of hours in, Shaun had wandered up to report that security had discovered her mom wandering around the hospital asking for her. She was in bad shape, off her meds, and some sort of infection inhibiting liver function. They were running tests to narrow down the potential causes and treatment. Shaun being Shaun, he didn't question her neutral response to keep her posted as she continued down the hall to check on her patient's OR prep.

The tests came back showing her mom approaching total hepatic failure. Apparently, she'd been living with chronic liver disease and self-medicating. They could do surgery to reverse some of the damage, but the risks were serious and the prognosis complicated given her medical history and poor mental health. That's when they'd transferred her to Melendez's surgery roster for the following day since he had more experience with the type of procedure she needed. It'd conveniently coincided with Claire's rotation in the trauma unit, a detail everyone agreed was for the best since Claire would have been prohibited from participating anyway.

First things first, they'd needed to stabilize her, which meant more time in the hospital. Claire hadn't been pleased despite understanding the necessity of it. She had built something good in San Jose, and the more her mom saw of it, the more resentful she'd be. That's what made her mother such a wildcard, especially when she wasn't stable. There was no telling what kind of trouble she'd stir up in her ever-desperate quest for attention.

Still, at the end of her shift last night, she'd visited her mom to make sure she was resting comfortably and to wish her luck. Her mom had been anxious, understandably, so Claire tried to assure her she was in good hands.

The plan today had been to have her mother prepped by mid-morning with the surgery finished by noon. But not even an hour into her morning shift, Reznick had wandered down to the ER asking if Claire would could come talk to her mom again, calm her down. She suspected that Morgan was angling for something with the request; maybe hoping the interaction with her mom would rattle her. It both irritated and amused her—what a waste of energy rooting around for a completely off-base advantage. Claire had long stopped letting her mother get to her. Besides, she'd seen her mom in worse shape than this; taken care of her on her own while in worse shape than this.

Thus, Claire assured Reznick that between her and Shaun, they were more than capable of taking care of their patient and went back to what she was doing. With that kind of brush-off, Claire figured that would be the end of it.

Yet twenty minutes later, Dr. Melendez stood at her station making the same request directly; appealing for a few minutes of her time on her mom's and Reznick's behalf. He'd given her that stern Melendez stare as if Claire was the one being unreasonable.

It angered her, the overstepping of her boundaries. The managing her like one of their patient's difficult family members. But what could she do? Refusing made her seem petty. Claire resented them for it.

"She's agitated. Asking for you," Melendez told her. "I know you've been clear about your relationship with her, but it's still a dangerous surgery, and she's scared."

Claire crossed her arms and looked away, annoyed and disappointed. If Melendez really understood how she felt about it then why come down here demanding she disrupt her day for another one of her mom's manipulations? Even if all her mom wanted was to talk sunshine and rainbows to her, it'd still be Claire upending her own needs to accommodate someone who damn well didn't deserve her attention. Shaun had to have told them this was a terrible idea. How did she so quickly become the bad guy in this situation?

In her darkest thoughts, she wondered whether Melendez cared about her fears at all or just what's convenient for his surgery or, god forbid, what was helpful to Morgan? What about doing what was best for Claire? Did that not matter enough? Morgan asking was one thing. She didn't care about Claire's well-being given how caustic she insisted on making their working relationship. But Dr. Melendez she respected, even when he frustrated her, like now. She thought they had a good relationship and that he cared about her, professionally at least, despite their clashes and setbacks. Maybe they weren't on the same page after all.

It hurt.

Yet she forced herself to admit what else might be going on with him to justify requesting this of her. And of course, she'd relent, they both knew it. It was wrong of him to ask, but she could be the bigger person.

Dr. Melendez waited as Claire and the nurse next to her exchanged paperwork, Claire giving instructions to page her if there were any changes to the patient's condition.

"Okay," she said, finally. "I'll be up in a few minutes."

He'd held her gaze, making sure it was really alright and nodded. For a moment, it seemed as if he wanted to say more, a sheepish expression flashing across his face before he stopped himself. Instead, he turned and walked back to the elevators.

It took a full 15 minutes for Claire to prepare herself and tell Lim and Park that she'd been summoned and why. Having an idea of what she'd be in for, they both wished her luck.

When she arrived at her mother's room, the surgical team surrounded her bed, doing their last-minute examination before the pre-op protocols began, mainly to answer questions and confirm the details of the procedure. Her mother asked Reznick how long the surgery would take, probably for the millionth time. Melendez acknowledged Claire's arrival and returned to his exam. Shaun ignored her and Reznick looked relieved.

"Mom."

Her mother snapped her head toward the entrance at hearing Claire's voice. She did seem a bit frightened and apprehensive, yet happy enough to see her daughter had arrived.

"Hi, baby. What took you so long? I've been asking and asking for you. I wanted to see you one last time before we started."

Claire moved a stool over to sit by the bed. "I'm busy. I'm working. You'll be fine. Like I said before, you're in excellent hands."

"I know that's what you said. Can't you see I'm still agitated about all of this? Not all of us can be superhuman like you." She must have noticed the annoyance in Claire's expression. "I meant that as a compliment. You know I don't always say things the right way when I'm sick."

 _Or at all_ , Claire thought, but bit back the snide comment and also the observation that, for as long as she'd known her, everything agitated her mother. Now wasn't the time to make things worse by picking old fights.

"There's nothing to worry about," she replied calmly, hoping her tone would soothe her mother's nerves. She even took her mother's hand, briefly squeezing to ease the anxiousness. "Doctors Melendez, Murphy, and Reznick explained what they were going to do?" Her mother nodded. "Do you have any other questions for them that I can help you understand?"

"I'm not stupid, Claire," she responded shortly. "It's just why can't you do the surgery? I mean, we're family." She looked at each of the other doctors in turn, pleading with them.

"Mom, as I explained before, that's precisely why I can't do the surgery. It's against hospital policy. Family members are too emotionally involved and it could complicate things."

Her mother scoffed. "Too emotionally involved? You?" Claire heard Morgan snicker in the corner and both Claire and Melendez flashed her a stern look. Shaun continued to write down her vitals, though she could tell he was listening.

"I just mean, that there's no risk of being emotionally compromised when it comes to me, seeing as how you've cut me out of your life for the last seven years. I could die and you act like you don't care at all." Her mother snatched her hand away from where it rested loosely under her daughter's. Claire rolled her eyes.

"Stop being dramatic." Claire got up from the stool. "Of course, I care. And you'll be fine."

"You don't know that. I have to beg to get you to come up here and even then you'd only do it when _he_ asked you to," she said pointing at Dr. Melendez. A familiar glare of scorn appeared in her eyes. "I'm sure I can guess what _that's_ about: the handsome surgeon and his pretty little co-worker."

Dr. Melendez turned his attention to her mother, annoyance and a question in his expression. Everyone could feel the discomfort in the room at the accusation. it was possible that her mother didn't know Dr. Melendez was essentially her boss, even though she and her fellow residents were more autonomous than not in the final months of their program.

"Good luck." Claire didn't bother clarifying whether she was directing that at her mother or her co-workers, though her irritation came through loud and clear. The situation had turned out precisely how she'd predicted. The pettier part of her hoped they felt bad about it.

She heard sniffling as her mother deflated back into her hospital bed. "It wasn't supposed to end up like this," she murmured, tears in her eyes. "Not dying in some hospital while my own daughter walks away from me." Claire stopped, her back still to her mother.

"I was going to make it big," she said to her three-person audience of Murphy, Melendez, and Reznick. "I'm not talking about Whitney Houston big or anything like that but maybe a working singer in Vegas or L.A. and have a modest career doing what I loved."

Claire turned back around, saw her co-workers listening intently. They certainly seemed eager to have a front row seat to hearing juicy details like this of her life. Claire had an inkling of the sob story that would come next and hoped things didn't get too out of hand.

"But then I found out I was pregnant with you," she smiled bitterly. "So I readjusted, not perfectly, but I did enough to get you here."

Claire shook her head, angry at having to listen to the same excuses yet again, her mother never taking responsibility. "Is that what you were telling yourself when you'd disappear for days with no food in the house? Or when you stole from me or demanded I clean up after your messes when you were too sick to take care of either of us? I begged you to get help, but that was never enough for you." Her mother looked away, silent. Claire sighed. "You can tell whatever story you want, but I don't owe you anything. I don't want you to die, and that's why I'm making sure you're in good hands. I'd appreciate it if you didn't waste my time or my colleagues' with your need to … punish me for having my shit together like you never could."

Her mother turned on her angrily. "I could have done it you know. I went through all the motions. The paperwork and counseling and waiting periods. I showed up that day and lay down in a hospital bed just like this one. I was sad, but I was ready. And then I remembered all those people yelling at me outside the clinic when I came in and I got even sadder and thought maybe I was making a mistake. So I stopped it. And I went home and decided to do my best instead."

You could hear a pin drop in the room now. No one moved, all seemingly holding their breath over what these last words revealed.

"It was the biggest mistake of my life," her mother sobbed. "I should have gone through with it and none of this would be happening. Everything would be better for me without you. If only I'd been strong enough to get rid of you then this would all go away. All of it."

Claire closed her eyes, steeling herself against her mother's regrets. Part of her knew that her mother's fear guided such a hurtful outburst. The most natural thing in the world for her mother to do when she was at rock bottom still involved tearing Claire down to make herself feel better. The thing was, she also knew her mother meant every word.

And her mother hadn't finished with her either. "All you've ever been is ungrateful and judgmental, but you'd have done no better than me."

Phasing out of his shock, Dr. Melendez attempted to deescalate the situation, stepping between Claire and her mother. Claire had rarely seen him try so hard to reel in his anger. "This isn't help—"

"Don't defend her," her mother replied. "You don't know her like I do. Yes, she plays at being all sweetness and purity to anyone who'll look her way with those innocent doe eyes and smiling face. But she knows how to hurt me too." Turning back to Claire, "You owe me everything."

Claire laughed bitterly. Noting her colleagues' reactions, she couldn't help feeling embarrassed at their discomfort and pity, even from Shaun. "Cool, Mom. You feel better now?" she asked, throwing up her arms. "That 'Claire should have been an abortion' story must get more and more comforting over the years. How many times have you told that to anyone who would listen? Two, three hundred by now? I remember my seventh grade teacher had quite the response. My prom date too. And I'm sure all my friends from high school can recite it by heart, even now."

From the corner of her eye, she noticed Dr. Melendez's clenched jaw and Morgan's pained expression, almost at tears. Shaun was more fidgety than usual. Claire should have felt satisfied, yet the only thing another round with her mother accomplished was to tire her out.

"I told you this was a bad idea," Shaun murmured into the uncomfortable silence.

"Yes, it was," Claire agreed, now glaring at her mother. This had gone on long enough. "Have your surgery. Get better. And stay away from me. Good bye, Mom." This time when she turned, she didn't stop, just headed straight out of the room. From behind her she could still hear her mom sobbing, "You're not better than me, Claire. You're not," over and over again. Claire kept walking.

Heading back to the ER, she briefly considered how shocked her colleagues probably were right now. Well, probably not Shaun who had warned them against the whole thing. Maybe they believed her mother on some level, that Claire was cold and heartless for not wanting anything to do with the woman who birthed her. It bothered her a little, but Claire knew what was best for herself and let it go.

Back in the ER, Park was looking over the tests they'd been waiting on and gestured for her to walk with him to check in with Lim. He handed the tablet to her so she could review the results as well.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"About as well as I expected," she replied skimming the numbers and confirming Park's recommendations. She handed the tablet back to him as they approached Lim at one of the computer consoles filling out paperwork. "It's a lesson in how meddling can backfire." Shrugging, she turned her attention to her attending as Park briefed both of them on the situation. All the rest, she put out of her mind.

She went about her day, distancing herself farther and farther from all the drama. Melendez sent her updates, which she acknowledged accordingly, and she carried on being a great doctor.

And now she got to go home to think about anything other than her mother or nosy colleagues or doubts about how far she'd come since living in that misery-filled trailer.

Turning toward the parking garage, Claire slowed as she approached a familiar figure sitting on a bench in front of the building. A flutter of emotion began to throb in her chest, feelings she couldn't quite put her finger on, his presence so unexpected.

Dr. Melendez.

He was waiting for her; it's the best explanation for what him being in such an odd spot in this weather at this time of night. He looked about as dour as she felt, hair tousled and his normally tailored blazer and impeccably fitted dress shirt looking more distressed than usual.

It was very considerate of him to seek her out. And very Neil Melendez. She thought so despite how annoyed with him she was and her not quite knowing what to make of him right now. Only one way to figure things out.

It seemed she had one more situation to reckon with before putting the day behind her. But she'd be okay. The question was whether her colleagues could get past it.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Neil wandered a short ways from the front door of the hospital, searching for a spot easy enough to see people coming and going, yet still unobtrusive. It wouldn't be a great space for long judging by the heavy cloud cover and moistness in the air. He'd wait for as long as he could, though.

It'd been one of those days. Tricky surgeries and post-op complications Neil could handle. It's the interpersonal drama that drained him. For all the talk of his arrogance and confidence as a doctor—and he inhabited both of those traits in spades—he could still be too sensitive for his own good.

He'd had a feeling that operating on Claire's mother carried the danger of drawing out a weird dynamic between the two women given what he knew of their relationship. Yet he'd been shocked and unprepared for the way things had gone down; the skeletons Claire's mother had revealed as she verbally assaulted her own daughter.

And he felt terrible about the role he played in allowing it to happen.

He'd always thought children a gift, even when things were difficult. He longed for the day when he'd have children of his own. This entire situation reminded him of that late night when he'd revealed as much to Claire, heartbroken over what turned out to be the beginning of the end for him and Jessica. He'd been comforted at the time by her advice, the suggestion that finding someone to share your life with was special enough to overcome almost anything. And he'd believed it at the time. That hadn't made Jessica wrong in thinking he'd eventually regret not having kids with her.

The caution Claire had also shared that night about her personal experience with reluctant mothers explained a lot of things about the then new resident he was still getting to know.

It confounded him, how someone could think much less say the things Claire's mother had about their own child. It made even less sense in reference to someone as gifted as Dr. Claire Browne.

Reznick resented Claire, mostly out of insecurity at Claire's easy compassion and competence earned under far more demanding circumstances than hers. When they were squabbling, he sometimes wondered if she blamed Claire for getting Coyle kicked off the surgical team and disrupting her residency. That information was supposed to be confidential, but what he'd learned about Coyle's reputation along with Jared's actions made it easy to imply. Andrews sometimes regretted that he'd told Claire to be more assertive given how many times she'd challenged him in the name of defending herself or her colleagues. Their boss liked her, though; found her useful and recognized her potential to be a star. Allegra saw her as an asset to the hospital for her optics as much as her talent.

In fact, mostly, people loved Claire for her respect and kindness. She'd bonded with Murphy immediately and pushed Kalu to accept him as well. They'd both played a big role in Murphy's transition into the residency program. After a bumpy start, she and Park had an easy rapport of mutual respect.

Neil himself had certainly weathered the regular disagreements with Claire over the course of their working relationship—he accepted it as another aspect of mentoring someone with her talent and skills. It hadn't always been easy, yet they valued each other as colleagues; friends, even, on a professional level. He couldn't imagine anyone seeing Dr. Browne as anything other than the refreshing, collegial professional that she strived to be every day.

How could her mother not be proud of the amazing woman her daughter had become? Neil couldn't begin to understand it.

He sat down on one of the benches in front of the hospital, still overwhelmed by these musings. From many of their chance encounters, he calculated that Claire would have to pass this spot on her way home, and he didn't want her leaving before he'd gotten a chance to talk to her alone. Dr. Lim reported that she'd sent Claire and Park home over an hour ago so she should be passing through any minute. Audrey hinted that he probably had some time before Claire finished her paperwork, changed, and actually left the building. As usual with Lim, her perceptiveness both annoyed and pleased him.

And Lim was right. He needed to set things straight with Claire before too much time passed.

That extra time had given him the chance to have a talk with Morgan, too. It started as a tense conversation, but to his relief, it ended on a good note. First and foremost, he needed assurance that her insistence on Claire speaking with her mother before the surgery had not been some sort of gamesmanship, an attempt to shake Claire's confidence by making her confront her mother. He accepted the competitiveness Reznick brought to the dynamic among his residents. In his opinion, it generally pushed them to be better, sharper. Though it didn't do Morgan much good with Murphy who often didn't notice, Park who was wise enough to beat her at her own game, or Claire who had quickly stopped caring, in part, because of his steering her focus back to her own excellence.

However, he wouldn't tolerate that level of disrespect to a colleague—that kind of toxicity bred mistakes and bad blood that got patients killed. Morgan's response, thankfully, had satisfied him that she'd mostly been on the up and up. She'd clearly been rattled by how things had turned out and insisted that she would apologize. Yes, she'd hoped Claire would have a nice moment with her mom that Morgan could then take credit for, but who could have imagined the disaster that awaited?

Who besides Claire, who'd known all along it would end up that way?

A light mist floated around him, not yet a drizzle, although it would be soon. It didn't bother Neil. It felt rather good, actually, after going back and forth in sterile environments all day. As he waited, he wondered what things would be like going forward. He supposed the answer would depend on the conversation he hoped to have with Claire tonight. Had he fractured her trust in him? Did having him hear those things about her life change things? Would it compel her to pull away and shut herself off to deal with the vulnerability it exposed? It worried him because he enjoyed mentoring her and helping guide her gifts as a surgeon. It pleased him to watch her successes and to witness how empowered she'd become without letting the competitiveness change who she is. It satisfied him to see her steadily become a peer and a friend. It would hurt to lose that.

Ten minutes passed, and finally, Neil noticed her emerging from the building, her coat billowing open as she struggled to rearrange her bag and the hat she carried in one hand. Absently, she tucked her hair under her collar and assessed the weather as he had done when he'd stepped outside. As she got closer, he could see that she looked exhausted, more so than usual. Not that he could blame her. Her shoulders sunk inside her coat and her normally alert eyes were distracted and distant.

The future of their relationship came down to this moment. When she spotted him sitting on the bench, she slowed and offered a weak smile. Neil thought it a good sign.

"Hey," she said walking up to him.

He gestured for her to take a seat next to him, his arm casually resting along the back of the bench.

"Hey."

Claire arranged her bag and hat beside her before turning to face him. "I heard everything went well with the surgery. Of course," she added, grin widening. He'd sent her a couple of updates, but he had a feeling that wasn't exactly what she meant and it warmed him.

Neil shrugged and relaxed a bit at their falling back on the usual banter between them. "Textbook surgery. I could do it in my sleep."

"No doubt," Claire confirmed. "Thanks for the updates." Frustrated, he'd had to speculate on how she'd taken the news of her mom's surgery, receiving only curt acknowledgments to each message. Texting really was terrible at conveying tone.

"I figured you'd want to know. Even with … everything."

Claire nodded. That was about the best way anyone could characterize what had transpired between the two women. After a moment's hesitance, she held his gaze, serious and resigned to clearing the air before he could figure out himself how to approach it.

"Sorry you got in the middle of all that today. I'm sure it was uncomfortable."

Neil leaned in slightly. "No, you have nothing to be sorry about. Please, don't apologize for any of that." She'd looked away, embarrassed, but he waited for her attention to return to him again, raising his brow to make sure she understood his sincerity and insistence. Every emotion at play reflected in those expressive eyes of hers; the pain and vulnerability; the defiance. Lastly, after long moments, the acceptance.

She nodded, a slight and somber tilt of her head. As the wind picked up, she fought again to keep her long hair under control. He'd often poke fun at the seemingly endless ways she'd style her hair, today, intricately braided in front and left to flow freely around her shoulders. Her choices were always practical, of course, and usually quite lovely. The flying curls forced her to break their intense eye contact as she brushed the stray tendrils from her cheek. When she adjusted the errant locks behind an ear, he followed the motion, his chest tightening at how somber she looked in profile.

Clearing his throat, Neil caught her attention once more. "Actually, I was waiting because I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about today. You didn't want to be there and you only came because I asked you to."

"No, it's okay," Claire said, though her earnest expression transformed then into a smirk. "Don't get me wrong, I was really pissed at you guys. But Morgan already tried to explain and, strangely, to apologize. Even more strange is that I believe her. I think somewhere in there she was trying to do something nice, but she's a work in progress on that front." They both smiled at the gentle jab at Reznick's expense.

"I suppose we all are. Still, I feel bad about what happened. Yes, I let Morgan convince me, but I thought I was doing something nice too, and that wasn't entirely about what you needed—"

"It doesn't matter what I needed. You were thinking about the patient—"

"No." Neil insisted. "It does matter. You know it does." he reminded her gently, hoping not to reopen even more old wounds.

Lim had shared that same sentiment from Claire way back in Claire's first year of residency. He'd congratulated Lim on her first solo and successful endovascular embolization procedure—even he hadn't done one of those without a more experienced surgeon in the room. But she'd explained that it was Claire that had convinced her to take the reins, insisting that they couldn't do what was best for their patients if they weren't doing what was best for themselves and their profession. Claire's staunch support for Audrey and rightful rebuke of the hospital had been an unexpected surprise, one that had meant a lot to the normally cavalier trauma surgeon.

"It wasn't fair, Claire," Neil added. "And I regret that I had anything to do with it. I hope you're okay."

Claire's own stubbornness pushed back. "First of all, _you_ didn't do anything. My mother can take that blame all on her own. And I _am_ okay. Really. I wasn't exaggerating in there. She didn't say anything I hadn't heard hundreds of times before in hundreds of different ways."

Neil had to admit that though Claire looked tired, he didn't detect any regret or defeat in her manner as she held his gaze. That made him feel a little better.

"Maybe she'll change one day," Claire mused, sighing. "If almost dying like this doesn't have some kind of impact, she'll still have a long way to go on that. But she's lost the chance for me to be around to see it. And I've worked hard not to feel guilty about that. She is not good for me. It's sad. And it's also the honest truth."

Leaning back on the bench, Claire slumped, resigned. "It's hard for people to really understand, you know. Ever since I started in med school, hell, even when I was in college, people would say I didn't have a cutthroat bone in my body and that I'd never get ahead because I wasn't willing to take advantage of other people's weaknesses."

Neil shook his head, interrupting. "I've said it before, but that's not you, Claire. I knew that right away."

As her mentor, it had become important to him that Claire never became the kind of doctor who cared more about getting ahead than being an excellent physician. You simply couldn't teach the bedside manner Claire excelled at, only nurture it when you found someone with that kind of unique gift.

She flashed a weak but genuine smile at him, acknowledging his faith in her.

"I know. I've gotten really lucky in this residency working with people like Shaun and Alex, who are more like me—focused on their own skills and not undermining other people to make themselves look better. Even Jared who was as competitive as anyone respected that I wouldn't be a jerk just to get a leg up." She looked down at her fidgeting hands. "Every day I tell myself that I earned my way to this point in my life. I spent so many years hearing the one person in the world who's supposed to love me tell me how worthless I am every chance she got. That no matter how many As I brought home or gold stars from my teachers or awards or scholarships, I'm still a piece of trash, no better than her. I have to shut out hearing that the only thing I'm good for is destroying people's lives and …" she paused, her voice breaking, "and telling anyone who would listen how well I'd done for myself for someone who'd dodged a coat hanger." A small sob escaped her otherwise stoic recounting.

Neil reached for her hand, stopping her fidgeting to slide his palm over hers. It seemed so inadequate as a comfort against the harshness of her experience.

Claire quickly recovered, wiping away a stray tear, the only evidence that she'd become temporarily overwhelmed with memories and emotion.

"I don't have the energy to worry about what anyone else is doing. I can only focus on being the best that I can be." She grinned at him through her sorrow. "And my best is pretty damn excellent."

Trying to suppress how much her revelation had moved him, he appreciated the levity.

"You are brilliant after all," he joked, caressing her hand with his thumb. He thought of all the times he'd seen her scrub in and the clinical way their hands had brushed in the OR over the years. Yet, he'd never wondered at the delicate strength in her fingers until now as he held them in his grasp at the edge of her lap.

"Yes, I am." Oblivious to his pondering, she laughed at his words. She squeezed his hand in thanks before moving it away and darting her gaze around to note any prying eyes and probably still uncomfortable after her mother's accusations. Besides, gossip at the hospital could start over the tiniest of things, no matter the context. It had been a nice moment, though. He missed it already.

"I know everyone thinks I get too emotionally attached; that I'm a people-pleaser. But when you grow up with _that_ every day," she said, gesturing to her mom inside the building, "how can you not want to leave the world a little nicer than you found it?"

Neil valued that perspective. Admired it. He'd always thought Claire was special and this was yet another way that she proved him right.

She bumped his knee with hers and he knew an admonishment was coming from the casual yet assertive expression on her face.

"There's a lesson in there for you guys, too. Shaun tried to warn you to leave it alone. It's because he understands."

"Understands what?" Neil asked, suspecting her observations might hurt a little.

Surprising him, she asked, "How long have we known each other? A few years now?"

Neil nodded. "As long as you've been a full-fledged doctor." He grinned at the memory of their first meeting, maybe even hoping it might incite her to go easy on him. "I remember interviewing you for the program. I wondered how someone so little could be so … committed to her ideas."

"You mean bossy?" she clarified, straight-faced.

"No," he said, carefully. "I mean committed."

That broke her stern expression, a playfulness now apparent in her demeanor. "So you admit you knew what you were getting into when you hired me?"

Neil thought to choose his words wisely. "Well, you were an impressive candidate, of course. Honestly, that focus reminded me a little of Dr. Lim who I very much respect despite being a giant pain in my ass fairly regularly." They both laughed at that. "But I also recognized your compassion and your kindness along with your talent. I knew you'd be a good fit, and I was right."

Claire nodded with pride. He wanted her to know that he also recognized the things she liked about herself.

"Dr. Melendez, the point is that we've gotten to know each other and—" She abruptly paused, cautiously choosing her next words. "I know how much family means to you; how much being a parent means to you. In the abstract, you and Morgan know that families can be destructive and dysfunctional, but it's not your default. It's natural for you to want the Rockwell dinner scene and expect the happy sitcom ending.

"Shaun and I learned something different, though," she continued. "That family can hurt you—bind you to people even when they're not good for you. At least he had his brother and Dr. Glassman. I didn't have anyone. And I came to learn that the family you choose can be the thing that grounds you. I don't have my mom in my life anymore, but I have the friends and teachers that got me through high school and college and med school. I had Kayla for as long as I could—thanks to you. And Dash, too. I've got Shaun now. It's enough for me, more than enough when I spent so many years with nothing."

Neil sighed and looked at the few people out at this time of night. A few EMTs on a smoke break, a couple nurses leaving for a dinner run. He and Claire seemed to fit right into the randomness of the night shift. Returning his attention back to her, he noticed her calm remained and marveled again at how strong she'd had to be to get to where she is.

"I guess," he started. "I guess I wanted the chance to make it better somehow. I remembered what you'd said about your relationship with your mom." He paused, almost reluctant to continue as he bit into his lip to hide his anxiousness. "I didn't ask you because my patient wanted you there or because Morgan wanted me to. It was for you. Maybe I didn't want that to be the end to this story."

He looked away briefly, a bit overwhelmed himself at the alternating emotions he saw play across her face. When he turned back to her, his heart clenched at meeting her eyes, so full and shining with sentiment. "You didn't deserve growing up like that. Or any of those things she said about you."

This time, Claire broke the connection between them, shrugging. "Who's to say what anyone deserves anyway? It made me who I am right now and that's something. And if I'm being truthful, I have to admit I might have thought the worst about you today. My mom, she … it's easier to believe the worst when I have to deal with her." She smiled at him, a beautiful radiance that he'd come to enjoy. "So thank you for saying that. And for caring. I mean it. It's more than most people have done for me, and I appreciate it."

Neil returned her grin at that. "I have my moments."

They both laughed, letting the humor break some of the intensity of their conversation. Claire looked over at him, a bashful yet determined look in her eye. He wasn't used to seeing that combination from her and curiosity flared at her coyness.

"You're going to make a great husband and father someday when you have your own family." Her cheeks flushed, yet she tilted her head and nodded, that more familiar air of certainty returning.

Neil stared at her in surprise at the compliment, but she didn't waver. "I—" She'd actually rendered him speechless, which had her silently laughing, twinkling eyes pleased with herself. "Uh, thanks," he replied, finally.

And just like that something sparked.

He held her gaze for what seemed a long time until Claire looked away, fiddling in her bag for some gloves and peering up as a light drizzle started to fall. Neil picked up her fedora and handed it to her. He smiled as she put it on and adjusted her coat around it.

"Get some rest, Carmen Sandiego. I'll see you tomorrow," he said as she looped her bags over her shoulder. The glare she directed at him over his tired joke only widened his smile.

"Shut up," she said getting up and Neil warmed at the comfortable lightness that had returned between them.

"Hey," he called out before she could step away. She stopped, skeptical yet amused by what he might say next. "I was going to say that your mom couldn't have been more wrong about you. Those of us who get to know you, we're better for it. If it's what you want, anyone you choose will be lucky to have you as a wife and a mom, too."

Her brow shot up in surprise at such a personal observation, but then her lips pulled into a sweet smile as if instantly pleased by the thought. Just like that, the energy between them turned charged and heavy again, making Neil panic a bit.

"I mean, I see how you're already taking care of all of us here," he clarified. "A couple of kids and a husband should be no problem."

His lame attempt to relieve the intensely pleasing connection between them didn't quite have the effect he'd intended as she continued to scrutinize him. He'd be lying to say he didn't feel a little exposed. Whatever had ignited between them couldn't be ignored now that it'd been uncovered.

"That's certainly true," Claire stammered, turning to go once again. "But don't go getting any ideas. Such a handsome surgeon shouldn't be thinking such things about his co-worker," she shot back over her shoulder.

Neil chuckled, a little incredulous over her response. However, the wickedness in her expression had exactly the opposite effect of dispelling any inappropriate ideas about the two of them. He didn't have a comeback for her saucy suggestion. A clearly forbidden suggestion. A very, very wrong yet very, very intriguing suggestion. His chest, and a few other parts of is body, involuntarily tightened at the emotions she'd catalyzed with only a few words and a look.

"Good night, Dr. Melendez," Claire offered, now laughing at how she'd rattled him as she walked away.

Blowing out a breath he suddenly realized he'd been holding at her parting shot, he called out to her once more. She turned, her face still showing her amusement from before. He flashed her a roguish grin of his own.

"We're off the clock. Call me 'Neil.'"

Her smile froze. But then she giggled, an involuntary reaction to hide her nerves. A lovely blush rose across her cheeks. She stumbled slightly in shock and surprise—pleasantly so if he were to guess—as she walked away fiddling with her hair. Neil grabbed his briefcase and rose to head out in in the opposite direction, a much more comfortable feeling of smugness left in his wake.

Smiling to himself, Neil shook his head at how his confrontation with Claire had gone. Whatever lay in store for them going forward, he knew they would be okay.

 _The End_


End file.
